Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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