Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
