Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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