walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
