The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
