You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
