You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
