I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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