I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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