did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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