The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
