wakey wakey hands off snakey
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
