Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Farmville is her only friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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