i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
