My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
