KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?