what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.