Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.