the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.