It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?