he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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