You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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