My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
