I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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