John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
