do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
