...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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