somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
