Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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