Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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