i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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