i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
