I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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