so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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