Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just puked most of my soul out..
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