When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
