he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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