After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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