The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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