my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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