I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
