Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
