yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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