The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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