Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
