HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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