the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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