Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
