I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you will always have a special place in my vag
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
