I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
