i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
