I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
