Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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