Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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