I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
