I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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