we're blogging at a bar
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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