Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
