Porn is love you can see.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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