My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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