I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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